


Around The Weird

by roseverdict



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: WHAT THE, and the pines parents were stuck in the middle of it all and, so basically what if weirdmaggedon was a worldwide thing for a week before the series finale, wHERE THE ACTUAL HECK DID THIS COME FROM, well just read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-06-08 23:03:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6878386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseverdict/pseuds/roseverdict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A one-shot following Dipper and Mabel's parents during the events of a worldwide Weirdmageddon. And then fallout.</p><p>"So you've been doing WHAT all summer?!"</p><p>Name Inspired By OSTER PROJECT's "Around The World" which literally has nothing else to do with this</p>
            </blockquote>





	Around The Weird

**Author's Note:**

> this has legit no explanation  
> i was listening to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5zGUDRKQKo&list=FLP-sLtnWpnhXK6Gb3HAT0Mg&index=2 (graphic lyrics alert methinks) on loop  
> and thinking about gf  
> and my brain thought  
> "How would the Pines Parents deal with their kids' summer goings-on?"  
> so  
> this

It was dinnertime, August 24 of 2012, when nightmares spilled over the horizon.

At first, neither spouse knew what to make of it.

Then the mother slapped her hand to her forehead, cursing.

The father asked what was wrong.

He decided he should have waited until they were in the car with semi-automatic weapons and a road map to Gravity Falls, Oregon.

* * *

"ANNA, PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!!" Mark Pines yelled over the roar of either the engine or the abomination chasing them. (Most likely both.)

"DRIVE NOW, ASK LATER!!" Anna shouted back before leaning out the passenger window and blasting the  _thing_ into next week.

It took another five miles for Mark's grip on the wheel to let up.

It wasn't until three miles afterwards that he could stop flooring the gas pedal from adrenaline.

Two miles later, he finally asked, "It's later now, Anna. Please tell me why the frigging APOCALYPSE is happening."

She turned in her seat. "My dad, Sherman, used to tell me stories his parents had about his two older brothers. I didn't think they were true, since I'd never met one of them, but seeing all this...Regardless, basically they were twins, a lot like our kids, except one of them screwed up the other's dreams and was disowned." She went on despite Mark's gasp. "After a while, both had left the house, and my grandparents never heard from them again. But at the beginning of the summer, Dad said he had a bad feeling about Gravity Falls. I didn't believe him, even though he has had hunches that turned out to be right before. It was almost like someone made the decision for me. And now, seeing all this...I think my uncles have something to do with this, and Dipper and Mabel might be wrapped up in the middle of it!"

Mark turned back to the road with a confused expression on his face. "Anna, I have no idea what any of that means. But if you think the kids are in danger, well..." He used his head to indicate the various monsters around them. "...we need to get them."

* * *

It was the next day when they saw the giant pyramid floating in the sky.

They had just crested a hill, and while the pyramid was the first thing they saw, the next was the unnaturally huge goat, then the ear-arm, then a sweaty, one-handed monstrosity.

Any other day, they would've thought they'd gone crazy.

As it was, not even the roaring water tower fazed the two parents in the slightest.

Mark pulled over and gave the structure a hard glance. "Looks like that's where this started."

Anna slung a modified belt around her torso. "At the very least, that's where this is going to end."

Mother and father looked to each other and nodded, slipping back into the car and heading off.

* * *

Anna had been pointing out signs to a 'Mystery Shack' to Mark as they drove when-

"Anna..?" Mark pointed to the flying eyeball in front of them.

"SON OF A-get out of the car, it saw us!" Anna swore, as the batlike eye swung around to face them.

They scrambled to the scorched ground and made a run for it.

"Anna, it's gaining on us!" Mark panted. Why, oh, WHY didn't he go to the gym more often?!

"IMMA SHOOT THAT THING!" his wife yelled back, turning around with her semiauto already in her hands.

"OMYGOSH!" Mark goggled at Anna's reaction, diving to the side as she let rip on the eye-bat-thing.

The creature shuddered and fell, nearly crushing Mark under it. Before the humans could move the monster, though, it disappeared in blue flames and golden sparkles, leaving behind a very confused Mark and Anna.

Anna grabbed her husband's hand, pulling him up. "Let's get to my uncle's place. Maybe it's still intact."

Mark nodded numbly. This was not quite what he thought of when he imagined Armageddon. It was too weird!

Heh, Weirdmageddon. That pretty much summed up the past day.

* * *

If time was still working properly, the sun would have set by the time the two saw the Shack for the first time.

There was definitely weirdness around and inside it, but of the garden-variety kind that wouldn't try to eat people, which was nice.

One of the occupants (was he a gnome???) called into the Shack, "We have visitors!"

Out came a grizzled old man in a ripped and torn business suit, otherwise known as-

"UNCLE STAN!" Anna shouted, jumping from the car.

Mark struggled with his seatbelt, but soon managed to flop his way out the driver's-side door.

"Hey, is that-Annie!" Stan grinned.

Anna tackled Stan in a bear hug while Mark flopped from the car, then stumbled over to the two others. Anna started babbling (like daughter, like mother) at her uncle. "What happened it was just another ordinary day but then THIS and where are Dipper and Mabel and what's happening?!"

Stan rubbed calming circles in Anna's back. "Well, it's kinda a long story. Just over thirty years long, actually. Come on, you two. Let's get ya up to speed." Stan led the couple into the Mystery Shack, followed by the rest of the Fallers.

* * *

The parents had been at the Shack for three days when they heard scuffling outside the front door.

"Quick, grab your weapons!" Stan whisper-shouted. Everyone who could armed themselves, while the rest either hid or readied their fists.

The door burst open in a flurry of screaming, but within seconds the shouting had died down.

"Wait-MOM! DAD! GRUNKLE STAN!"

"KIDS!"

The Pines family rushed into a tearful hug, and the moment Stan stood up, Soos and Wendy tackled him, too.

"MISTER PINES, YOU'RE ALRIGHT! I've been hugging strangers to practice for this moment!"

"WE MISSED YOU, YA OLD CODGER!"

Stan stood up with a grin. "I think I have introductions to make. Soos, Wendy, these are Dipper and Mabel's parents. Annie, Mark, these are Soos and Wendy, employees at the Shack and...good friends."

Before Soos could get teared up (MISTER PINES THINKS OF ME LIKE A FRIEND HAPPY SOBS), one of the Manotaurs cried out, "EYEBAT!!"

Stan yelled, "HIT THE LIGHTS!" while pushing the twins out of sight.

Anna darted to the window, readying her semiauto to fire off one of its last rounds.

Mark and a Manotaur grabbed a gnome and Grenda, rushing deeper into the Shack.

Outside, the eyebat inspected the structure, but when it turned to snatch a raccoon, Anna put one right through its pupil, making it explode in a shower of blue and gold.

Once everyone had recovered from the adeenline rush of a close brush with death, Anna turned to her kids. "I think you two owe your dad and me an explanation. You are obviously on the edge, but before this summer, you would have been a complete nervous wreck, Dipper-" Dipper chuckled humorlessly at that- "and Mabel would have a permanent residence in Sweatertown." Mabel scratched the back of her head with a sheepish grin.

Mark picked up on what Anna was saying. "Now look at you two. Dipper is still visibly worried, but he's definitely functioning well under pressure. Mabel looks to be...well, I wouldn't want to be on the wrong end of that grappling hook, sweetie."

Mabel and Dipper shared a Look, then Mabel said, "Let's catch you up on our misadventures this summer."

* * *

"So you've been doing WHAT all summer?!"

* * *

Mark wiped his brow as he finished climbing into the Shacktron's cockpit.

"Dipper, NOW!" Mabel called. He spun the wheel to start the motor, and the Mystery Shack stood up and lumbered to the Fearamid.

Anna was in control of "Fine Motor Spotting"- telling the people driving the contraption if something out of view was in the way. She saw a few straggling townsfolk stop warming their hands at fires to watch them pass in shock and awe and hope.

She hoped their hope wasn't misplaced hope.

* * *

When Mark had seen the number of sweaters Mabel had made (sheesh 104?!), he thought the task of alloting them to 10 parachutes was insane!

Then again, so were those plans he found, but he pulled that off!

As he stood in front of his handiwork, he allowed himself a smug grin before handing them out to the Infiltration Team.

He, Anna, Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Wendy, Soos, McGucket, the town sheriff, and Pacifica Northwest were going into the Fearamid to get the townsfolk out.

As they freefell past the giant Illuminati-guy...er, Bill...Mark couldn't help but look at him. Even a simple shape could give people nightmares and PTSD.

* * *

When they saw the circle on the ground, Mark and Anna thought Ford was insane.

When they stayed behind to watch the circle's completion, they thought themselves crazy.

When they caught Bill golfing the Shack, they hid, unknown to the others.

When they saw their new friends turned into decor and their family trapped, they were frozen in shock.

When they saw their children ESCAPE AND DRAW BILL AWAY USING THEMSELVES AS BAIT, Mark and Anna very nearly had simultaneous heart attacks.

When they overheard the Stans' plan, they stifled cries of horror.

When they heard Bill say he was "JUST GONNA KILL ONE OF THEM" while holding their children, their flesh and blood, the lights of their lives...

That was the last straw.

* * *

"EENIE! MEENIE! MINEY! YOUUU-OW!" Bill shouted in pain.

The four twins gaped at the ragged hole in Bill's chest, then to the hallway.

Dipper thought Mom had been angry when he TPed the bathroom as a 2-year-old.

Mabel thought Dad had been mad when she brought a bird home, not knowing how allergic he was.

What Mark and Anna felt at that moment put even the angriest they had ever been combined to shame.

"WHAT?! WHO ARE YOU???" Bill screeched. "AND I THOUGHT SIXER'S ANTIDEMON GUN WAS DESTROYED!!!"

Mark huffed, "Ain't it amazing what one can do with some blueprints, an incredible excess of energy, some smarts, and a wife who is a superb shot?"

Anna added on, "You made a real mistake, threatening to kill our family like that."

Before she could level the gun at Bill's eye, she and her husband were immobilized by more of those glowy red arms.

"HAHAHA, YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I WASN'T READY FOR SOMETHING UNEXPECTED?? I AM THE DEMON OF CHAOS AND DREAMS, YOU SHOULD ALL FEAR ME!!" Bill cackled. "THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE THIS BETTER WOULD BE TO HAVE-"

While Bill had been enjoying his seemingly imminent victory, the Stan twins had shared their own Look, then Stanley (in Ford's clothes) yelled out, "BILL! LEAVE THEM OUT OF THIS!"

Bill, still clueless to the ruse, turned to the Stans. "WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, SIXER!"

Anna had to hide her amazement at Stan's impression of Ford. "My only condition is that you let Stan, Anna, Mark, and the kids go!"

Mark gasped. "No, Stanl-Let's think of something else!" Internally, he thanked his lucky stars Bill hadn't caught his slip-up.

"IT'S A DEAL!" Bill lowered the cage walls from where they stood so Ford-but-not-Ford could shake his hand.

Within seconds, Bill had landed on the ground as a statue and Stan had fallen to his knees, unconscious.

Ford pulled out the memory gun.

For the most part, the rest is history, but when Mark and Anna noticed swirling gold and blue fog seeping from Stan's mind, they each took a turn blasting it to smithereens.

* * *

After the insanity died down, the little town was back to normal-or as close as it would ever be. Stan was back in the conning game, the citizens were learning to live with the supernatural, and Anna had called herself and Mark in for work so they could spend time with their family.

When the time came for the Piedmont Pines to head home, they wound up taking the bus-their car wound up being the Shacktron's right foot. There were shenanagins with sweaters and pigs, and when the younger twins asked if they could come back next year, Anna was about to agree when Mark suggested winter breaks, too.

It was with happy hearts and no small amount of smugness they left for home.

* * *

"...and in news updates on the recent armageddon, Gravity Falls locals Stanley and Stanford Pines."

"Thank you, Alex. After all the insanity, it's good to know humane values hold firm and true."

"Ha! That's putting it mildly, Poindexter! Hirsch, you needed to be there when our niblings broke outta Bill's jail cell! Or when their parents showed up all bada-"

"Stanley, this is a public radio broadcast!"

"-fine, BUTTWHOOPING, and just bam! Pew! Kapow!"

"It was definitely intense and a day that will go down in history."

"Would we be able to learn who your niblings and their parents are?"

"Stanley..."

"Sure! Our niece and her husband, Anna and Mark Pines, and their twin children, Dipper and Mabel!"

"Is Dipper a nickname?"

"Oh, yeah, but I ain't sayin' what it's for!"

"Well, how about how your nephew-in-law taking on your last name? How did that happen?"

"Well, Alex, it's a long story involving tomatoes, grandfather clocks, and a whole lotta whipped cream!"

"Ehem!"

"...But it's not our story to tell."

"Alright then, we'll be back after these messages!"

* * *

"Holy crap, look at his arms..."

"I heard in the news she and her brother took on the demon that made the apocalypse..."

"Mabel, is it true you fought off the Cipher guy..?"

"I didn't think you were cool, but after what you did this summer, we mint, Dip..."

"I'm glad Bill's gone, broseph."

"So am I, Mabes. Akward sibling hug?"

"Akward sibling hug."

"Pat, pat."

**Author's Note:**

> Khoo kdwk qr zudwk olnh d sduhqw vfruqhg.


End file.
